So you have a problem. You want something, but you don’t have it yet. And you’re getting frustrated. Because you really want it. You believe that in having it or achieving it, it will bring you something important. Or maybe it will even take you to the next level. Whatever it is, not having it is becoming a serious problem.

Whenever we have goals or dreams we so want, it’s hard not to attach our self-worth to it. Your goal/dream is you, it reflects you, and that is super vulnerable. So when, things are not panning out as they are “supposed to,” you take it personally.

You take it personally, and then you think something is wrong with you. And that is what makes achieving your goals harder than they should be. When you attach your personal self-worth to your performance and goals, every little challenge feels extremely vulnerable, like an attack on your abilities and worthiness.

Just doing your best, feels insanely scary, no matter what level you are: a novice or a pro.

It feels this way, because when we are trying so hard to achieve our goals or performance levels, we want validation. We want other’s to see us, to recognize us, and to applaud us with encouragement.

In pursuit of this validation, the moment that things are working out for us, or we feel like we have had a major set-back, we begin to attach this outward evidence to how good or bad we are: our self-worth. And when this happens, we lower our goals, we lower our motivation, we don’t believe in ourselves, and we don’t think we are good enough. Sound familiar?

I’ve seen and heard this storyline so many times amongst women athletes, it doesn’t matter if they are pro’s or not. I hear it from EVERYONE, no matter if they are playing a sport for fun or they are playing at the elite level. Unfortunately, this story is not exclusive, everyone has the privilege of experiencing it.

And consequently, I’ve seen this theme of low self-worth impact their performance in making decisions about their goals from a place of poor decision making and strategy.

This story is common across all athletes and honestly a small representation of the many other mindset issues and challenges we face all the time. Trying to achieve your goals alone isn’t easy for this reason, and it’s a major reason why so many amazing people don’t achieve their goals. That is why women coach with me- to help them take charge of their brains, hearts, and souls, so they can feel confident about achieving their best life, because they learn to navigate the mental challenges that come with being successful and not settling for mediocrity.

Talent isn't created by sports psychology or any psychology for that matter. But, psychology can help release it. No matter what sport you play and at any level, your future success depends on many things, but one thing that impacts all other things, is your mindset. Ultimately it comes down to you, you are the person who pushes yourself forward to succeed or holds yourself back and fails. The responsibility is yours alone.